And Now For Something Completely Different...

like all proper geeks, i will confess to having googled myself. well, actually i googled blogblond...

guess what? unbeknownst to me, my husband, or anyone who knows me, i am a porn star! nope, not making that up.

after the first few google hits, which actually do link to this blog or my friend's blog, there are a ton of foreign language porn sites that feature blogblond. now, in the interest of full disclosure, i must be honest and say that i did not click on any of the links, so i don't know if i am any good at porn. don't know if i am a jaw-dropping hotty, or just a trashy czecholslovakian.

please be clear that i am not in any way encouraging any of you to check out my alter-alter-egos.

just thought it would be cool to brag a little and let you know.

'tis the season...

Judge Jones Proves That Not All Designs Are Intelligent

enough said.

Big Brother is Your Mamma

remember back in high school (or even earlier) when the inevitable response to any untoward question was, "Your mamma!"?

aah, the good ole days, when things were simple (although at the time we thought we had the market cornered on complexity) and no analysis was needed because song lyrics and bumperstickers seemed to capture our deepest thoughts. many people, it seems, are still stuck in that mentality. if it can be captured in a soundbite or printed on a t-shirt, it must be the God-Given Truth.

so it is that i recently had to confront one of my own knee-jerk reactions. my position seemed so sound, so intellectual, so Truthy- but then i thought it through.

why are we afraid of big brother?

i must confess at this point to doing a long and fruitful internship with the ACLU. my friends were all equally pompous intellectuals, and we railed against those "reactionary conservatives" who wanted to control, not only my uterus, but also my First Amendment right to free assembly. who was the government to wire tap my phone, or know what my party identification was for voting (like they couldn't have guessed that- duh!), or see what books i checked out in the libray, or even to know what race i was every time i filled out a government form (to increase your blogblond knowledge base, i always left that blank, or checked 'other'. yeah, government, i'm part of the HUMAN race- don't see that on your corrupt forms- how do you like that?!? oh man...)

but, like i said, i recently had to revisit all of that, and to rethink my fomerly entenched position.

don't know if you've noticed (i certainly didn't at the time), but there are some bad people in the world. really bad people. and, now that i have children, i kind of would like the government to keep any eye on them...

even up until a few weeks ago, i was so against the government being in my business. it seemed so... well, prudent, to protect my privacy. but then i had a blogblond epiphany: i don't do anything i need privacy about.

do i really care if the government taps my phones? other than the idea of my tax dollars paying for the government to hear what's on sale at walmart, or my new chicken recipe, or which of my kids has stomach flu, what's the difference if they listen to my phone calls? is the fact that i'm making soup a national security issue? if the government knows that i am a registered republican, can they use that infomation to blackmail me into divulging classified secrets? if the president himself, for some sick and twisted reason, wants to know my race, i guess i am okay with that, since any person who sees me on the street can posess that same information. and just in case the fbi is still monitering my blog, the mein kampf i checked out of the library was for a history class i was teaching at the time. really.

so, i know all of you socially aware people out there are quaking in your boots over the idea of the government intruding into your private life, but i guess i want to know- what the heck are you doing that you wouldn't want anyone to know about? if big brother knows that i bought an amy tan novel on ebay and that means they can also know about the yemenite guy who just bought three sniper rifles, i am good with that. if big brother wants my kids to take off their shoes at the airport so that the terrorist has one less place to hide his box cutter, i say go for it. if big brother listens on my phone and finds out how i make lasagna, but that also allows them to listen to someone else and know that some evil people are planting a bomb in our local school, then i must say that i am perfectly willing to forego my sacred privacy for a higher pupose. if you are reading this and saying, yeah- but then what? what civil liberties will we lose next? congratulations- you have just had an irrational knee-jerk reaction.

and if you say, but i am a law-abiding citizen, so why does the government need my private information? why is the blogblond turning into a fascist? then i say to you:

your mamma!

The Blogblond Goes Anti-Anti

Don't know about you, but i am geting sick of people and groups defining themselves by what they are against instaed of what they stand for. if your group has a great idea, or a powerful agenda, why not grab a slogan that shouts poudly what you are for, instead of just ripping off someone else's slogan and saying you are against it? stop being anti-war, and start being pro something. (pro-terrorists? but that is a different rant...) don't be anti capital punishment, be pro life. oh, unless that is already taken by people you oppose... speaking of pro life, at least the other side got it right- instead of calling themselves the anti life movement (hmmmmmmmmm), they have grabbed pro choice. catchy, upbeat- choices are super cool (as long as your choice is politically correct, or watch out!) so i guess it can be done.

in this same vein, why are abortion clinics called planned parenthood? why not 'plan to not be a parent clinic'? or how about, 'if you planned better, you wouldn't be in this position'. or how about just- 'we think abortion is a smart and sound choice, so come on in and have one?' not trying to be provacative, but seriously, if you think you are right and righteous, why not shout it from the hilltops?

Buckwheat Meets Blogblond

hello all. just want to vent about my letter R.

the R key on my keyboard doesn't really work, so every time i type a word with the letter R, i actually have to go back and reR everything, or it gets left out.

if i didn't cae so much about you, my dea eades, my posts would ead like this. now, i don't know about you, but i find this quite etched. disconceting, even.

pehaps i should have said elme fudd meets blogblond, because, in etospect, it seems like a combination of the two.

anyway, i wish somethin funny would happen to me, so i could wite about it.

in the meantime, hee's a joke my 5 yea old made up: why did the key like the hat? because they went to the dugstoe togethe. yeah, not sue what kind of theapy this kid is gonna need one day, but, tust me, it's not my fault...

True Confessions of a Blogblond

okay, so in the interest of taking things down a notch, i have compiled the first (possibly of many- this all depends on how voyeuristic my readers are...) of True Confessions...


1. i once tried to flunk a math class so a boy i had a crush on would like me. he liked my stupid (also blond) best fruend, so i figured... anyway, i got a D in the class and they ended up going out...

2. i bought a pair of glasses to wear when i took the ACT in high school. this is before glasses were a fashion statement, and i didn't need them at all. but i thought they would make me look smarter, so i would do better on the test. yeah, i know- blond logic. funny thing is, i think the glasses actually worked...

3. my all time favorite movie is still sid and nancy- but i have no idea why, in spite of mulling it over for yeas and years...

4. i switched majors in college so i wouldn't have to take a statistics class...

5. the only class i did not 4. in college was human sexuality...

6. i have been cyber-stalking an old friend, who i recently found out has a blog. the sick thing is, my husband is now stalking him too, because his blog is hilarious...(it's called the letter D, in case you are wondering). as far as i know, he is unaware of his growing fan club...

7. i still think 80s music is the best...

8. i don't have enough juicy secrets to even make this a top ten...

The Truth Will Set You Free

recent story from the news that caught my attention:

convicted murderer who killed a store clerk because he was black, and the killer said he just wanted to kill some black people. then he killed a whole family of asians for good measure.

charleton heston, rush limbaugh, and ron silver have all spoken out on behalf of the this poor fellow, saying that he deserves clemency because has been well behaved in prison. he has made speeches to aryan nation youth that they should renounce violence. he tries to be a good example to other prisoners. he said that the store clerk was getting on his nerves, that he didn't only kill him because he was black. he does have a son who has followed in his father's footsteps and is serving a sentence in another prison for second degree murder, but he feels really bad about that, and wishes things could have been different. it is thought that, by showing mercy to this man, future racists and criminals will see that it is better to behave and be nice, as this is what earned our hero his life back.

oddly, leaders in the black community have been silent about this controversy. why?

because the murderer in question is tookie williams, and he is black. the store clerk he killed was white, and he just felt like killing some white people, not the other way around. the asian family he killed really was asian. jamie foxx, spike lee, and some other hollywood liberals are the ones speaking on his behalf, not rush limbaugh or any other hated icon of the right. for the record, no white or asian groups have said a word (that i am aware of) about this hate/ hateful crime.

so what gives? why the double standard? if a white man kiled a black man because of his race, he would be the worst kind of scum. if he hadn't already been murdered in prison, he would most certainly be marched to the gas chamber or lethal injection or whatever with speed and haste. if a white leader or actor or regular joe had the nerve to ask for clemency for the white killer, people would go nuts.

so, why are some minorities more special and protected than others? why is it okay to wipe out an entire asian family, and it is barely a blip on the radar? why is it only okay to stand up for someone if they are black? why is it glamorous and glorious to be a black panther but sick and warped to be a white supremisist? i have no personal stake in this, as i am neither, but this political correctness run amok is making me want to vomit. and if you are going to post about how blacks were oppressed so their racism is justied, save it. chinese immigants didn't exactly have the red carpet rolled out for them when they first got here either. if you think that whites have the power so they shouldn't be allowed to be racist, A-i don't get that argument; what does one thing have to do with the other? and B-if racism is bad, it's bad, and it shouldn't matter who's doing it. objective evil is just evil. like rape- is it ever good? what if it's committed by a catholic, is it okay then? how about by an athiest? you get the point. so, if racism is abhorent, why is it okay?

why is it routinely practiced, encouraged, and condoned by american society in 2005?

and why does saying the truth make me a racist?

The Power Of Positive Thinking

Just heard a new twist on a news story that's been on the wire for at least several days. The new crop of kidnap victims in Iraq, who were supposed to be killed on Thursday if lots of Iraqi scumbags were not released from jails, is- drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrum roll plllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeease: PEACE ACTIVISTS

wow.

poetic justice?

cosmic joke?

not to be a conspiracy theorist or anything, but i find it odd that today- thursday- is the first day i am hearing about why these poor sweet innocent people found themselves in such a hostile environment. not that eveyone would not jump on the sympathy wagon for people who knowingly put themselves in harm's way in order to accomplish nothing except ticking people off...

even if you believe in your heart of hearts that this war is wrong, unjust, or whatever- even if you believe that we have a right to protest (well, actually, they have no right to protest in Iraq, but we don't need to go there...)- even if you believe that these were well intentioned people who are now being victimized by their captors- how can you not hold them accountable for being there in the first place? no, this is not "blame the victim". this is just common sense. don't go to a war zone in a decidedly undemocratic country, with roving bands of hateful psychos, where the society and culture supports acts of violence against innocent bystanders and not have, at least in the back of your naive/compassionate/empty mind, that something bad just might happen.

but, being the blogblond, i have thought this through and come up with the solution to their plight: they should just talk to their captors, and i'm sure they'll be let go. yeah, they think we should not ever go to war, that instead we should talk to the maniacal dictators that are slaughtering and torturing their own countrymen, so they should try that. obviously, everyone at heart is good and kind- the mean agressive imperialist US just doesn't give them a chance... so, here's the chance for everyone to come out a winner. by talking to their kidnappers (some wackos called the Sword of Insane Evil, or something like that), the peace activists can show that talking really does work. the swordsmen can finally be heard and understood- cuz all anyone really wants here is warm fuzzies and a little communication, right? and the US can be poven wrong and impatient and uncaring and whatever else the left is alleging.

perhaps cindy shehan can donate some of the proceeds from her mega-selling book (like 100 copies, right?) to buy aroma therapy candles and old navy fleece-wear to set the tone for a proper sharing and caring environment. i wonder why the captives have not tried this yet? maybe it just takes a blond to solve the world's problems.

can't we all just get along?

you've GOT to be kidding!

okay, i know i was going to post next about christmas, but i heard something this morning that got my blondness in a twist- congressional testimony about the "katrina aftermath".

the woman whose testimony i listened to, i will not refer to by name- both to NOT contribute to her 15 minutes of fame, and to erase her humanity as sure as she is attempting to erase the humanity of the many people who rushed to new orleans to help after the hurricane...

the central theme of her "testimony" was that the sports stadium that many of the refugees were sent to was a concentration camp. no, she did not say "like" a concentration camp- she actually called it a concentration camp, like in world war II, complete with gestapo guards. no, i am not exaggerating or making this up, but i wish i was...

one senator asked her something like this, "umm, please, if it um, wouldn't offend you or make you upset in any way on any level, umm, could you maybe possibly, um sort of, if it's okay... not say that it was a concentration camp??????????????? pwetty pweeeease? if it wouldn't offend you?" good thing i wasn't there, cuz i might have had to "offend" that congressperson...

how about, "Saying that the temporary refuge camp, set up to feed, house, and protect the evacuees was a concentration camp is not only the stupidest thing i have ever heard, it also completely belittles the real victims of the real concentration camps, shows that you have no grasp of either history or real suffering, and offends me so greatly that i am going to have you arrested for hate speech..." just a thought...

anyway, this woman not only said it was a concentration camp, she also said that the national guardsmen there to protect them from the looting and lawlessness that was going on outside (and not by the gestapo, either...) were rednecks, that the army (the only people there who could restore any semblance of order to absolute chaos) was the gestapo, and that they were, in fact, tortured. she did not elaborate, but i guess that not having adequate food or water- which is a total bummer, don't get me wrong (but still better than drowning, getting eaten by aligators, or actually being in a concentration camp...)- is equivalent to being systematically hunted down, rounded up, stripped, raped, humiliated, beaten, taken away from family on purpose, demoralized, starved, worked until death by exhaustion, medically experimented on, completely dehumanized in every way, and finally exterminated and thrown into mass unmarked graves.

yeah, the sports place was totally like that.

so, it's the same question as the holiday question: WHY ARE PEOPLE SO AFRAID TO OFFEND SOMEONE THAT THEY LET THE IDIOTS OFFEND EVERYONE??????????????????

there is a quote- wish i could remember who said it- that all that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.

so, i'm asking- where are all of the good people, and why are they so silent in the face of sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much evil?????????????????????????????

is it really so offensive to tell the truth?

chrismukkah- what the heck?!?!?!?

okay, here goes the first blogblond rant:

i just read about this great new idea for interfaith families: chrismukkah (no, i am not making this up!). there is a new line of cards, gifts, and paraphanelia for families who didn't respect their own religion or traditions enough to want to perpetuate them by marrying someone of their own faith. don't get me wrong here- marry who you want, but if your list of what you really want in a spouse does not include sharing your core values about religion, then don't incorporate pseudo-values after the fact so you can give and receive gifts. that's part one.

part two is that chanukah is not a major holiday, and there is no reason to give gifts- other than to pacify jewish kids in public schools whose christian friends are winning the gift lottery every december, while in their own jewish homes, they are getting fried potato pancakes. christmas, from what i understand, is also not supposed to be about gifts. the whole tree idea was just to pacify little christian kids in public school whose pagan friends had cool fertitlity rituals, while in their own christian homes they had long religious services celebrating the birth of their lord.

so, we have two religious holidays that have become bastardized, secularized, and rendered basically meaningless when celebrated by non-religious (well, not in 'that way') practicioners. and into this mix comes chismukkah, to further remove any sense of true meaning from the celebrations. so, i am the grinchblond? no- i am all for giving and receiving gifts- just be honest and call it what it is: i worship myself day. or it's all about me day. i want to get more stuff, to stuff in the few places in my home that are not already stuffed with stuff- so please ante up the loot. think of the t-shirt sales on those two suggestions alone!

i guess what i'm saying is- just don't make up holidays. holidays are supposed to be HOLY days- thus the word 'holiday'- so if you want to have a day, that's great. if you want to make up new reasons to celebrate, go ahead (look at hallmark). if you want to give gifts, or send fruitcakes, or light up your house like a runway, or have an office party so you can hook up with your coworker and then claim afterward that you were really really drunk, well, knock yourself out. but don't alienate people from their religious origins even more by dressing something in the guise of religion and passing it off to those too far removed from their own authentic traditions to recognize it.

and if you are a christian who doesn't embrace your own tradition and wear it with pride, and wish people merry christmas during the season because you are afraid to offend them- watch out, cuz i'm gonna come after you next...

why we love babies, part one of many

out of the gazillion reasons to love babies, this one struck me this morning:

babies don't mind morning breath.

you can have the worst case of morning breath in recorded history, and if you kiss up your baby first thing in the morning, they will still give you that goofy baby grin, like you have just done the sweetest thing they have ever seen.

you can even talk to them, and breathe right in their little precious face, and they will just smile and drool and coo at you- as if your breath should not be classified by the military as a dangerous and deadly weapon.

babies are so great.

First Time's a Charm...

so, here i am doing my first blog entry. cool, huh? if you are reading this, please be advised that i will rarely, if ever, use capital letters. i will probably get so carried away with myself that i will forget to make paragraphs. i will probably use run-on sentences. i will invariably have many typos that i just can't be bothered to correct. if this will bother you, either get a life or get off this blog. this is my world...but you will still love me, because i am lovable in my real-ness. if you're still reading this, and not cursing me out for sounding arrogant or ignorant, we are off to a good start.

so, the question is: what should the first blog entry be about? idaelly, it should be something splashy, something that will make you want to come back for more. but honestly, that's not gonna happen tonight. i had so many good ideas about what to blog about- you know, those ideas that sound great until you wake up and think it over and realize that was one of the many dumbest thoughts you've ever had?

so, (yes, i know, this is the third paragraph that has started with "so," and i said that i probably wouldn't make paragraphs- but this is my blog, remember?) let me just invite you to say something nice to me about this first post, even though it has no content. i promise you that juicy reading will lie ahead if you will just stick with me. i figure that my first blog and your first read of my blog should me more of a gentle caress than a smash over the head with a heavy object. (we'll leave that for later...)

so, (yes, #4) whaddaya say?