SuperSex Me

in a society obsessed with sex (you're reading this post, aren't you?), it's no wonder that sexuality is everywhere. from young girls dressing like mini prostitutes to video games with actual prostitutes, to songs about strippers and pimps, to safe sex debates in schools- and it is all supersized, so that the sexuality becomes the main thing. yeah, in the 50s (even the 1850s, where a little ankle went a long way) sex was used to sell cars and clothes, just like today. the difference was that the subtle sexuality of a voluptuous woman with red pouty lips standing next to the guy with the brand x cigarettes only implied that he'd get sex if he'd only light up. these days, when everything has to be bigger and more and right away, sex is also more 'in your face'.

so, what does this have to do with the price of chocolate in blogland?

for the 97 millionth time, i listened to people go around in intellectual circles and tie their brains in knots, debating gay marraige. it will ruin society. the government has no business legislating love. we have to favor procreative unions. consenting adults have rights concerning their private lives. the bible is against it. people who don't believe in the bible shouldn't have to follow it.

WHATEVER.

how about this: keep your private life private. love whomever you like. have sex however you want. live with anyone who makes you happy. just don't throw it in my face and tell me i have to endorse it.

don't talk to my husband at work about your gay lover-or your straight lover. don't teach my kids about your lesbian partner- or your hetero partner. don't make out in the streets, and in parades, and on "family TV" shows- with anyone of either sex. if people want to watch porn, let them rent it. i don't care if you're gay or straight- i don't want to see your public displays of affection, or your clingy 'but this is my life partner' moves, or your skin tight clothes, or your tattoos on your ass. have a little dignity. keep your private stuff private.

"but what about maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaariage?" you whine. do what you want in your inner sanctum. just leave my outer sanctum out of it. you want health insurance for your partner? legislate that. you want your partner to be your next of kin for medical stuff? give them power of attorney like i gave my husband. you want to make sure your partner gets custody of your test tube kid if you die? draw up the guardianship papers. or make a will. or lobby congress to recognize your relationship. but it won't be a marriage.

sorry, but that's just the sad fact.

you can serve meatloaf for supper and call it ice cream, but it's still meatloaf. you can run a red light and tell the cop, "oh, i respect an adult's right to choose what color they will stop for, and i choose purple." good luck with that. you can call a skunk a goldfish, but it still smells like a skunk and will drown in your fishbowl.

just separate the issues. you want me to accept your partner? i don't have to and you shouldn't care. i don't care where you stick your body parts, and you shouldn't care where i stick mine. have relationships or partnerships or 'friends with benefits' or whatever you want. just keep it to yourself, like a decent respectable person should, and if you have other legal concerns, then address them.

but don't call what you have a marriage and don't throw your sex in my face.

harf.

It's All About Blogbrit

behind every good blogblond is a great blogbrit.

for about the first decade of our marriage, blogbrit stayed kind of in the background. i had a really cool job (principal of a girls' high school) and he worked various jobs he hated so we could pay the bills. i had babies and went to grad school, and he picked up the slack at home and kept all the balls in the air while i ran around running around. when i was spazzy, he was calm and soothing. when i was stressed, he was kind and patient. when i would rant and rage (me, really?), he would stay cool and talk me down. all in all, he was the perfect support staff. he was the perfect counterpoint for me.

within the last few years, this balance has changed. the blogbrit has come into his own in a big way. he has found his stride, and has become the superstar of the family. he's the kind of husband who makes single women want to get married.

these days, the brit has a job that he is really really good at. everyone at work knows it, and he is constantly getting recognition and awards. he has come out of his proper british reserved shell, and has developed intelligent opinions on everything from politics to the media to what we will buy at ikea. he has taken over as captain of the ship, and he is doing an awesome job.

he is still the solid one. he is still calmer, more rational, and more diplomatic than i am. he is still better with the kids, better with the guests, and better with juggling the multiple demands on his time with grace and patience and dignity. he is still the person in the world i can count on for anything- all of the time. he is the guy who will stand and deliver when everyone else just can't seem to get it together. he's the one who reminds me that when you think you can't, you just need to try harder. he's the chicken soup for my soul and the jam in my jelly roll.

oh, and did i mention he is totally hot, too?

no, it's not our anniversary. it's not his birthday, and he hasn't done anything out of the ordinary to make me think about him in the middle of the day. and i guess that's really the point, isn't it? that when you are lucky and fortunate and blessed enough to be married to someone who is as mind-blowingly incredible as blogbrit, every day is special and every moment you are apart, you wish you were together.

there's not really too much else to say, is there?

An Open Letter To Some Very Powerful And Strong Men

dear kim jong il,

i just wanted to say that i am a big fan. i really think you are everything that mere mortals should aspire to be. that's why it shocked me so much that the wackjob in iran insulted your mother.
yeah, i couldn't believe it either. i told him to stop, because you are so strong and powerful, and clearly wouldn't stand for such nonsense. but he just kept going on- about how fat she is, and how ugly- you know, all the classic lines. but when he started talking publicly about the deviant sexual acts they committed together, that was just too much. you know i hate to spread gossip, but i thought you would want to know.
anyway, i hope this doesn't change the way you feel about him. you know, now that you have nuclear weapons, you are so much more shockingly powerful than he is that you could easily crush him. so i hope you will be the benevolent ruler you have always been and take that into consideration when he posts the snuff film of your sister on you-tube.
looking forward to reading your next press releases.
-blogblond

dear ich bin a wackjob,
first off, let me apologize for getting your name wrong here. all of those north korean pundits who can't show your holy persian name the proper respect by pronouncing it correctly have made me confused. i am trying not be be led astray by them, but i fear they are gaining influence over weak minds like mine.
anyway, the reason i am writing to you, even though i know how busy you are, is this: i heard that kim jong il is planning to totally humiliate you in public. he says your suicide martyrs are no match for his advanced nuclear weapons, and he is planning to use this information to make you look foolish in the eyes of the world. he just about dared you to try to ruin his infrastructure and assasinate him with your "muslim hooligans". yep, he really said that. i thought that was it. he couldn't possibly be taking this whole thing personlally,, but then he started making fun of some of your wives. he was saying they are trashy, and that next week the north korean enquirer will be publishing photos of them with their wrists and noses showing. i know you would never tolerate a scandal like this in your household, and i am sure your wives are way too holy to have behaved so provacatively in front of the media- and that's when he let slip that he was planning to doctor the photos. i guess he went online and googled "islamic porn" and got these photos of loose women showing almost their whole hands and the noses all the way back to where they touch the face. it is so revolting i can barely bring myself to speak of it, but he is planning to have his tech guys cut and paste your wives' faces onto these western-style whores.
he said you are too weak and too afraid to retaliate, especially now that he has this supposed nuclear weapon (you don't really believe he has that, do you?). i told him that you are an honorable man, and that you would not let such a slight go unpunished, and he actually laughed at me. yep, he out and out guffawed. like, yeah, right- that wack job will never have the courage or the strength to try to hurt me or my regime.
i hope you will prove him wrong, and not let your fans be disappointed. even if others lose faith in you, i will still believe.
with all due respect,
blogblond

Yes, I'm Gonna Talk About The Amish Thing

i wish i had anysara's eloquence of self-expression right now, and i could send off a string of exactly appropraote expletives to sum up how i feel about a person who would kill amish people.

short of that, i will just talk about one aspect of this sick incident that i have not heard mentioned yet.

all the amish want from us is to be left alone. all they want is to practice their religion and live out their lives according to their beliefs. all they want is to be free of the sickness of our society and pursue their kingdom of heaven. and the result of this shooting will be the biggest travesty of all. because when all the smoke clears, the amish will be victimized over and over again by our inquisitiveness and our desire to "help".

it's bad enough that they were victimized simply because they were "easy targets". it's more horrible that the news media is airing statements from the killers family about what a great husband and father he was, and how he never refused to help with changing diapers. what the HELL is that? it's not like he will have a trial and the public needs to be made sympathetic to him. but his family's first impulse was CYA and the media actually helped them...

what is worse than worse is that the amish are now a media circus. the amish, who only want privacy and decency, are being expolited again and again and again because of our desire for "news". if you are going to say the public has a right to know, save it. there is plenty of stuff out there that is way more relevant to our lives than dead amish children, and we never hear a whisper of it. to compound this laqck of privacy, i'm sure it is only a matter of time until some do-gooder (with good intentions, i assure you) will make some commercialized nonsense memorial for the girls. these cutesy tributes of balloons and stuffed animals and hand-scrawled cards are gaggish even in mainstream society; i can't even imagine them being imposed on the amish. yes, sometimes victims' families find comfort in this "shared" mourning. but the amish are not us. they have their own ways and their own comforts and their own everything. these memorials are erected by those who feel powerless in their own anger/grief/remorse/sadness/whatever and want to DO something.

well, i say do something else. leave the amish alone. leave the town and the hospital staff and the families alone.

if you really want to help the amish, work on our society. make this world a place where the amish separate themselves to elevate themselves and not to hide from us. make this a world where killers and their families don't get extra airtime and grief doesn't sell newspapers. make this world a place where justice is just and not just politically expedient or, worse, politically correct.

you want to honor the amish? stop worshipping yourself and learn to honor your Self.