Sweeten My Milk Or Go Jump

in india there is a story about a certain group of people from another land. they wished to come and live in india, so they sent a message to the king, requesting his permission to come and settle there. the king sent a messenger with a full glass of milk, bearing the message that, like the glass, india was full to the top, and could not contain any more people. the leader of the tribe from afar sent the messenger back with an amount of sugar, which he poured into the milk, slowly stirring it as it dissolved and he could add more and more. with this, he sent the message that his tribe would not be like more milk, but rather like sugar, that sweetens the milk as it is absorbed.

great story, and very light-shedding about the immigration situation today. i am mainly referring here to muslims -mostly arab muslims- and not mexicans, so before you get your knickers in a knot, just pay attention.

america's charm was that it was a melting pot. not that every immigrant here would shed their vital selves to become part of the american non-culture, but rather that by sweetening america with their own contributions they could both be absorbed and enhance the society. the idea that people could come here seeking a better life meant that, by necessity, they would shed some of their customs and expectations, but that, on balance, it was still worth it to come here for the opportunities this country had to offer. where and when this all changed, i'm not sure. but it's turning into a train wreck.

i'm not saying that new immigrants can't have enclaves of culture from the 'mother country'. mexican town, china town, whatever- all are great in that they allow new immigrants a safe place to settle while they cautiously venture into american society and 'melt' into it. all are great in that they give mainstream americans a reference point to see and appreciate cultures that they otherwise might only learn about in social studies classes. all are great in that they give the children of immigrants an experience (albeit limited) of 'where my people came from'., fair enough.

but when immigrants come here and bring their ways and customs and expect america to cater to them and prop them up in their total lack of assimilation or appreciation for this society that took them in, they have gone too far. it's kind of like geting married, but expecting after the wedding to 'see other people'. or taking a job, but then still sleeping in every day until noon and going out to lunch for 2-1/2 hours. saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else. opening one door means closing another. people who come to america can reasonably expect every dignity and privledge extended to any other american. in return, they should reasonably expect to get with the program- or get out. don't bring your garbage here and then get on a soapbox about how people have to accept it. because actually, we don't.

if, for example, an american burns a flag in protest over whatever, that is iffy. if an immigrant comes here and burns our flag, i say don't let the door hit you on the way out of the country. sorry, but the boss's son can get away with a lot of nonsense in his father's company that the regular worker just can't pull. same here. if you come here, embrace it. if you don't like it, then decide if it's still better than where you came from. if it is, suck it up. if it isn't, then go the heck back.

if you plan to come here to abuse our systems and exploit our freedoms and spoil our milk, then you deserve every bad thing that anybody wishes on you and more.

that's my story and i'm stickin to it.

D-Files and D-Philes

ever since my good friend d wrote about my blog on his, i have literally had hundreds of new hits on my blog. the thing is, these new "hitters" are of the lurking variety. i am always excited to see that new (or old!) people have visited the blog. but those who read and run are vaguely like a one night stand who doesn't even kiss you goodbye on the way out. you're left wondering, "was it me?" it's not that you expect closure, per se. more that you want the experience to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. like veni, vidi, vici. only in this case, it would be, "i came, i read, i commented".

i know there are people who view blogs like newspapers or magazines- you peruse them at your leisure and then toss them in the hamster cage. i want my blog to be more than that. i am not arrogant or narcisstic enough to belive that my ramblings here will light you on fire with profound new thoughts- at least not all the time :) i am totally not into blogs where there are 57 comments and every one of them is basically, "you are so right! i totally agree with you!" if my ego is going to be stroked, i want it to be earned, deserved, and meaningful. i'm older and happier and not into gratuitous flattery. but, say something. even once in a while.

i'm having a good laugh over the idea that the cookie whore post has received the most comments ever. which just goes to show, it's all about the edge...

and thanks, d

Confessions Of A Cookie Whore

a few nights ago, someone did a big favor for me and blogbrit. the next day i did some baking and sent him over a platter of assorted cookies. he came over to thank us, which was really sweet.

the funny thing was, a few weeks earlier we had new couches delivered. the moving guys came in as i was taking chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. so, i gave them a bag of cookies to take with them. a friend who was there for both events asked me afterward, "so, exactly how many guys have you made cookies for?'

and i realized: i am a cookie whore.

there. i said it. i realized that when d came to town on business, my first thought was to bake him up a batch of oatmeal cookies and take them over. when josh seems a little off his game, i want to run to my mixer (yes, josh- i know you have never actually received any cookies...). after an engagement party we made for a close friend, i sent baked goods to most of my neighbors, and forced the last few guests to pile high plates for their families at home. the blogbrit is alternately amused and horrified by this barrage of baked goods. my teenager asked me to bake a batch of white chocolate chip cookies as a going away present for a friend, so i guess it's rubbing off on the kids...

the thing is, i am safe. i wash my hands before baking. i don't use nuts in my cookies (in case of allergies). i always package them up in plastic before giving. so, okay, i am a cookie whore.

there are worse things i could be.

Customer Service Is Not A Necessity

an ad for a car dealership on the radio proudly proclaims, "customer service is our priority and not a necessity!".

i wrote this off the first 65,000,000 times i heard it, mainly due to the strong accent of the speaker- clearly he is from another country and was either mis-translating an idiom from his native country, or didn't grasp the subtelties of english. but then his daughter, a fluent english speaker of unaccented american english did a commercial for the dealership and happily rattled off the same phrase. not catchy, not compelling. not even so nice... i imagine they are trying to stress that they have customer service because it is a priority for them, and not just because they have to. at least that's the only credible explanation i've been able to come up with.

so, even though i am passionately uncompelled to ever go to that car dealership, i do think they inadvertently captured the spirit of customer service in many companies. it's just not a necessity.

i could rant and rave about having a 65 number selection menu that eats up my time (and sometimes my husband's cell phone minutes) and often doesn't offer the option i need. but i won't. i could whine about the automated voice on the other end of the line, that can "assist me with commonly asked questions", but never does. but i won't. i won't get started about the lengthy messages that give no information and end with a suggestion to visit their website for further reams of unhelpful information. but today i want to vent about foreign customer service reps.

first, a disclaimer. i have nothing against foreign people. i married one. i lived abroad and was one. i think accents are awesome and other cultures are cool (well, most of them, anyway). but if you don't understand american society, and learned our language from reading the cartons of chinese manufactured "american" toys, PLEASE do not take a job in customer service for american clientele.

when reading an obscenely long confirmation number to an asian (?) customer service rep, my friend had basically the following conversation:

friend: J
service rep: G?
f: no, J
sr: hay?
f: no, J- like jelly...
sr: ooooooooh- G?

friend: 2
sercive rep: the letter 2?

no, i didn't make that up.

someone else i know has the name roger, but he spells it R-O-D-G-E-R. the indian rep kept calling him rudd guh. no big deal, but he pronounced it for them like 80 times. c'mon- if you can't say the name, at least just say 'sir'. do something to cut your losses.

on a call-in radio show, the caller said that he repeatedly tried to decline a credit card offer from an overseas telemarketer. finally, when they wouldn't take no for an answer, he said, "okay, i will take your credit card. the only thing is, i will never pay for what i charge. i will never pay back any of the money i borrow. is that okay?" and the telemarketer, apparently being from a nation without credit cards, replied, "i am delighted to help you set up this account. please wait on the line while i get approval from my manager." politeness: 10. quick on the uptake: -2

being techologically illiterate, i am sympathetic to the idea of overseas tech support. maybe this is one of those jobs that americans can't do- like mowing theior own lawns. i even understand getting people with british or french accents to sell stuff to us. being married to a sexily accented brit myself, i see how americans will fall all over themselves to hear him speak. they also assume right away that he has like 6 PhDs from oxford. so that, i get. but this whole third world country customer non-service thing is wearing a litlle thin with me.

i know of a radio host who was so fed up with non-english understanding reps that he said he would buy a first class ticket, regardless of the price, on the first airline he called for reservations on that had a native english speaker answer the phone. i think he said it took him like 8 tries.

so, my question is, why are the companies we patronize just not that into us? are they trying to customer non-serve us into the arms of their competitors, or are they just that out of touch? do the CEOs ever actually call their own customer service lines, or do they do this on purpose so they can make a joke tape to play at company outings? do they record our calls so they can use them to train other reps on how to be polite to a fault, but completely non-responsive to their customers, or do we all just have the wrong phone numbers- the ones that go to customer servant pergatory- where those who have committed heinous customer service crimes are doomed to answer my calls about why my oven doesn't work unless i plug it in?

maybe i just need to call a different letter...