Cruel and Unusual News Cycles

well, i keep waiting to hear something on the news that will inspire me to blog and not just to mutter evil things under my breath. so far, no dice.

i listened to most of a show yesterday where the premise was that everyone is automatically bashing the idea of arabs running US ports, but maybe we should hear about the kinder, gentler side of UAE. pretty much everyone who called in- all three people- said that at least they were better than _____________ (fill in any other arab country here). then a former navy guy called to say that when they needed a respite, they would park their big naval vessels in dubai, a port of the UAE, because that was considered safe (again, relative to the rest of the countries in that region...). yeah, okay- yemen was considered a safe port, too- until they bombed the side of the USS COLE. next...

then, late last night, i heard a story for the third or fourth time, that i realized had blog potential, if only i would give it that unique blogblond spin. so, here goes...

apparently a judge in california (or a federal judge for california?? i was kind of asleep at first...) has decided that lethal injection is cruel and unusual punishment, violating the 8th amendment of the constitution. why? because it may cause the dying man pain... so they have now decided that it would be less cruel and less unusual to overdose him on barbituates so he can just drift off into the sweet slumber of a peaceful death, which, after all, is what any apple pie eating all-american murderer/rapist/torturer deserves. this in itself is funny- that a hardened criminal can "do the time" but can't get pricked by a needle. but that's not even the crux of the issue. in california, three conditions must be met before a death sentence can be handed down. the inmate in question met all three conditions- one of which is that torture is an element of the crime. (don't go letting your heart bleed over this one; he uncoercedly confessed...)

so, after this gentle soul stalked, raped, beat, raped, hurt, and raped some poor woman who screamed for help the whole time (according to his testimony), he attached her to the side of his car so that she was hanging face down on the road and drove around with her for a while so that the road would scour off her face (she was still alive at the beginning of this) so that she wouldn't be identified as easily, thus buying him more time to run and hide since he was less likely to be linked to the crime. ah, humanity.

sorry to be so graphic, but this is the guy we want to be spared the pain of an injection (actually just an IV line being inserted, since the actual "injection" is shot into the line and not the arm, but i digress). this is the case this judge wants to go into the constitutional law textbooks as the poster child for someone who should be spared suffering. this is an indication of how far we have evolved as a species.

wtf?

i, your humble blogblond, would like to suggest an alternative form of justice, that would actually approach the meaning of the word justice. i know that many people are stuck on this whole biblical "eye for an eye" thing. this is problematic, since it would be highly unethical, not to mention shockingly upsetting, for an employee of the government to rape, torture, etc. a death row inmate. so, in the interest of fairness and good karma all around, i think we should let other inmates EARN this privledge.

right now, prisoners with "good time" can earn cigarettes, money for the snack shop, cushy prison jobs, or early release. think how much more motivated they would be to behave in prison if we let them earn a chance to do what they love most- hurt and destroy other people.

the sentence would be exactly what the crime was. you raped? guess what? you beat to a pulp? hope you like pain...unfortunately, one cannot replicate the terror of a young girl who is attacked and raped, but that shouldn't stop us from trying. sure we can't induce the kind of horror that victims of violence often endure as they see their loved ones tortured or murdered before their eyes, but no system is perfect. (as a side note, many of the arab countries which the US seems to hold in such high esteem have no compunction about punishing family members for the sins of their relatives, so that's one to think about...).

maybe, just maybe, that child rapist would think twice about those moments of pleasure if he knew with certainty that he would face the same treatment at the hands of 350 pound bubba in the state pen. perhaps the guy who burns a family alive to cover up his burglary would just wear a ski mask next time if he knew that his cell mate was gonna torch him and then roast some marshmallows over his smoking remains.

and think of the compliance rate of inmates hoping to get that next executioner slot. no more attacks on guards, because you can save that rage for the guy on death row. why settle for shanking someone, when you could get literally hours more of pleasure but hacking someone to death with an ice pick? prison could become like fantasy island for felons. with such a plethora of willing executioners, we wouldn't need to have such a backlog of inmates sucking up tax dollars that could be used for filling potholes or something. they're not being rehabilitated anyway, so why not at least put their talents to good use?

less expense for the state, less prisoner-on-prisoner crime, more deterrent value, and, let's not forget, JUSTICE for the family and loved ones of the victim. what could be more of a win-win all around feel-good solution?

there's nothing like a little karma with your morning coffee.