Bittersweet Reunion With An Old Friend- The F Word

a few days ago, while out on a target run with my buddiest girlfriend, i decided to visit an old friend i haven't had contact with in quite a while. there was no particular reason, no pang of nostalgia, no flash of inspiration. i just felt like the time might be right to shake things up a bit. so, on the way to the parking lot, i reunited with the f word.

now, let me back up and provide you with some background here. the f word and i used to be close. at times in my life, we were virtually inseparable. the f word was there when i needed it, never judging, never scolding- just there to be picked up and tossed around any time i felt like i needed it. f and i go way, way back. i remember an early flirtation with f, back when i was about 10 years old, writing a hate letter to my mother (yeah, don't start...). i tentatively wrote it in, and liked it so much that i darkened it up, and underlined it, and then used it repeatedly throughout the letter. being appropriately hippy-wannabe and new-agey before its time, my mother didn't nip this "free expression" (my constitutional right!) in the bud. (yeah, i know...) from there , my love for f (the word, not the deed. hi, dimmy) just grew and grew. as a teenager f and i were closer than any two beings should be. f was in my heart and in my mind, and frequently in my notebooks and conversations. i was f-ed.

so, it was with some sadness and some measure of relief that i realized that f and i are no longer a good fit. the word sounded wrong coming out of my mouth. although my friend, a connoisseur of the f word in her own right, did not look horrified, or even laugh out loud (she probably wanted to...), the awkwardness that followed my ungracious f-bomb was tangible and complete.

this friend has taken to using the letters WTF, as in: what the f---? instead of using the actual word. i kinda like it, especially in writing. it's a little smoother sounding than the f word, which is apparently out of my current demographic purview. in a way. i guess it's nice that f and i have parted ways. maybe it's a sign that i've become more refined. maybe it shows that i am older, wiser, and have a better vocabulary. maybe i am just one classy blond.

or maybe i am like that 67 year old woman who tries to wear a mini skirt and stripper shoes and everyone is, like, barfing behind her back- past my prime and played out.

i'm gonna go eat some chocolate.

wtf???