The Official Blogblond Political Dictionary

as you contemplate voting tomorrow, you may want to have the following translations in mind. i am, after all, a political science major...

pro-choice=i am trying to kiss up to the loony leftists
pro-life= i am trying to kiss up to the religious fanatics

i will lower your taxes= i will do whatever i want as soon as i get into office. if i lower your taxes at all, you can bet i'll do it by cutting exactly the services you personally need.
i will lower expenditures= i will do whatever i want as soon as i get into office. if i lower expenditures at all, you can bet i'll do it by cutting exactly the services you personally need. i may claim to want to eliminate inefficiency in government, but if you think i have any intention of alienating my cronies once i get into office, you need to get a few advance doses of methadone before i cut it off.

i support the troops= i don't want to tick off the rednecks
i support an immediate withdrawl of troops= i want to go out of my way to tick off the rednecks. after all, they don't make big campaign contributions. i prefer to cater to pansy-ass cut and run liberals with big checkbooks

tough on immigration= i'll do lots of showy but ineffective stuff to pretend i'm handling it
tough on crime= i'll do lots of showy but ineffective stuff to pretend i'm handling it

american technological supremecy= i plan to dump lots of money into the space program. i can't articulate any good reason why, but it impresses the intellectuals at NASA and the pseudo-intellectuals in the general population

against outsourcing of jobs= force american companies to hire underqualified lazy slackers to work for you for way more money than they deserve, because it makes the rich liberals feel like they're helping the poor

strengthen the economy= cook the books until nobody can understand what the heck is going on

help our seasoned citizens= cook the books until every old person is so confused by the multitude of programs for them- none of which actually help them in any way- that they will hopefully die of stress related complications and we will not have to continue paying out their social security and can use that money for more bombs- which we will never use

equality and fairness= i will use the most discriminatory policies possible to try to create a utopian society where every person gets way more than what they have actually earned (also, see affirmative action)

affirmative action= see above and add the following: through my policies, i will create a climate of racial hatred, the likes of which have never been seen in history. the backlash will mean a weaker workforce, weaker employee morale, less confidence in any professional who may (or may not) have been a recipient of affirmative actions, and an overall failed social experiment. but i will have a clear conscience

i care about the children= i think you are a sucker. any time i invoke children, i know my opponent has nowhere to go, thus ending all debate on any relevant issue. who doesn't love kids?

get out and vote/ rock the vote/ don't forget to vote/ vote or die= there are many manifestations of this phrase, but they all mean the same thing: really, i could care less what you do. i honestly believe that you are too stupid to vote anyway. if i trusted idiots like you to make decisions in government, i would be in favor of referendums on everything, and not endless political filibustering on every issue. actually, i wish you would be sent to iraq so you could get sniped on cnn, and then i could just do whatever i wanted. unless, of course, you are planning to vote for me...

anyway, i hope this has been helpful. i know politics are really complex, but i believe in you!

but unless you are voting exactly as i am, please stay home.